Every party you throw should be for yourself. Who wants to attend a party where the host is miserable? Boo!

Here’s my take on how to host a party so that you enjoy it.

Know Your Timeline

When do you want to have your first guest? When do you want your “peak”? By when do you want your last guest out? Is this the kind of party where people will spend the night?  Write down your time range.

During a typical day, what do you like to have during that time range? One meal? Two? A snack? Coffee?

Write it down. In order for you to get what you need during that time, it’s simplest to also provide that for your guests.

When planning food, figure out if you’ll all have a meal together at a set time, or if it’s more likely that people will drift through whenever. Let your guests know which approach you’ll be taking.

Give an hour or so for people to arrive after “doors” before the main meal is served,  if it’s possible to miss the meal. Have snacks or appetizers available during this time.

Get Your Favorite Things

Hosting is a way to share the things you like with your friends. You don’t need to get exclusively your favorite snacks, but if you’re entertaining a large crowd, always get extras of your favorites.

This is good for two reasons:

1. You are more likely to get some of your favorite thing because there is more of it.
2. When you tell people this is your favorite kind, people will want to try it. They will also appreciate knowing that this is what your favorite kind tastes like.

Ask for Help All the Time

I host a party for some 30-40 people each year. If I didn’t ask for help, I would be too exhausted to party.

Think about your day as a host. You’ve ran errands, you’ve cleaned, you’re coordinating letting folks in and preparing drinks, and you’re watching the time to make sure there’s good food around.

That is literally so much in a day. Ask your friends to chop veggies for you, it’s okay. Ask your friends to lay out a charcuterie board. It’s great. They can be part of the party, and now, so can you.

Stage Your Snacks

If you’re entertaining for more than 3 hours, don’t put out all of your charcuterie at once. Prep 1-2 meats and 3-4 cheese or so at a time. Cut your meats and cheeses into small pieces, even if they’re already pre-cut. Most people will want 2-3 slices of things, regardless of the size of the slice, to give it a good taste.

Set knives out on your cheese board, but know that some guests will simply never slice their own cheese. They likely do not realize this about themselves. These are your friends, don’t resent them for it.

Take out a little container and ask a trusted friend to set some round 1 snacks aside in the fridge for you, since you’ll probably be too busy greeting guests to eat.

By staging your snacks in rounds, it makes it easier for you to get snacks later on, when you’ll be a little less busy.

Mix Price Points

People love a nice aged brie. But they also love a vacuum-packed off-the-shelf commodity cheddar. Have snacks that are fairly cheap and some favorites that are a little fancier.

This helps you stay in budget, but it also helps your friends feel comfortable. They probably have brie once or twice a year, but cheddar cheese might be around every month. Less expensive options will help them feel more at home, and fancier treats will help them feel valued. Both are good!

It’s also much more fun to say “This is the fancy cheese!” When they’re not all super fancy. You don’t want your guests to be afraid of bankrupting you if they arrive hungry.

Your guests probably do not get tons of water in their lives. Put out grapes with your cheese board. They’ll help stretch the food and they’re also delicious and hydrating. If you don’t like grapes, consider carrots or celery or another berry.

This also applies to the type of snacks you offer. Cheese is great, but a little pricier. Crackers, cookies, and chips and dip are also all fantastic. Don’t be afraid to serve un-fancy things,  especially if you like them.

Batch Drinks

Throughout the night, raise your voice and announce that you’re opening a bottle of [blah] or that you’re making a batch of [cocktail] or [n/a drink]. Have people raise their hands or come up to the bar if they’d like a glass. Don’t shy away from small pours, especially if you’re offering a variety of beverages.

This helps everyone get to try a little of what you’re serving, and it makes it way easier on you. Plus, it helps you get an idea of who has had how much to drink to avoid surprises.

Plan for First Class Non-Alcoholic Options

Whatever alcoholic ‘tier’ you’re serving at, have virgin drinks of similar quality and interest available. If you’re garnishing cocktails, garnish your n/a drinks, too.

Having awesome n/a choices helps reduce how many too-drunk guests you’ve got on your hands. It’ll make your life easier.

If you’re just doing beer, cans of soda and sparkling water are great. If you’re serving wine, pick up a bottle of sparkling grape juice. The cans of soda and bottle of juice will still be less expensive than their alcoholic cousins, and by coming in similar serving vessels, it’ll help non-alcoholic choices feel more inviting and easier to alternate with boozy options.

Also remember allergens and dietary needs for drinks. This usually means making sure you have non-dairy and non-spiced n/a options. And ideally, some diabetic-friendly choices, too.

Be very very clear if you’re serving something with THC, and speak up gently if a guest who is already a little tipsy from alcohol opts for one. It’s up to you how much you should push back, but I try to keep them separated a bit so it’s clear they’re very different things. Make it easier to get non-THC n/a options.

I love having sparkling water/club soda on hand with some interesting flavor syrups. This lets you prep a little cocktail for someone, even if they’re avoiding alcohol. It’s also a pretty dietary-restriction-friendly option.

Buy Yourself Flowers

A tasteful blanket of fresh greenery makes a place feel so damn good. A couple sad-looking grocery store bouquets look great deconstructed and under your serving platters, etc. Buy them close to the party (day before or day off) and don’t be shy in placing them. Especially in small spaces in the winter, the greenery will smell wonderful.

Be sure to leave spaces for people to set plates and drinks!

Consider Allergens From the Start

You know your friends. When planning your menu, aim for one that everybody can eat about half (or more) of.

This might mean setting out veggies with hummus instead of crackers, or offering vegan cookies, or making sure your crackers are in a bowl rather than on the cheese board itself.

If it’s an event where guests will bring snacks, ask that it covers a dietary restriction in your friend group, like gluten-free, vegan, nightshade-free, paleo, whatever. If you have a friend that likes to cook or bake from scratch, a trickier allergen-free bread could be a great thing to ask them for.

So little food covers every dietary need. Don’t worry about everyone being able to eat everything. Focus on everyone getting some foods that are nourishing and some little treats. It doesn’t matter exactly what kinds.

I like to make a big pot of vegan, gluten-free vegetable soup that’s always on, and then order carbs and fats and meats and such on the side.

I haven’t entirely determined the best strategy for guests who insist that if it’s not meat, it’s not real food, but I don’t have many friends like that. I tend to just avoid putting out much meat at once, since I’m not comfortable feeding people large quantities of pork or beef. Unfortunately, these are usually the same people who refuse to smell fish cooking, so I tend to stick to vegan hot foods for crowds, and to remind myself not to judge my friends too harshly.

Refresh Hot Foods

Refresh hot foods throughout the party. People love hot food.

I like to stock my freezer with ready-to-bake appetizers and to toss batches in throughout the night. If folks are drinking, they should be eating, too. I usually announce when I’m putting something in the oven, and when it’s ready to serve (not dangerously hot for my beloved drunken friends, but when it’s safe for them).

The food doesn’t have to be anything fancy, drunk people fucking love pizza rolls. Options that are bite sized and easier to handle are nice, but folks can also grab plates for flatbreads, etc.

If you’re using the oven and your party is getting crowded, remember to open a window for temperature. If you’re partying in the summer, be mindful of the heat. Consider grilling or similar, or setting a timer on your phone and moving the party outside for a while.

Keep it Coming

This might be basic, but make it really easy to access beer, soda, water, and other relatively inexpensive beverages, as well as shacks. Let guests self-serve as much as possible.

If you would be sad that all of a bottle got drank without you knowing, keep that bottle tucked away until you’re ready to share it. I also tend to leave most of my hard liquor tucked away, though I might put out some schnapps or similar so guests can fortify their punch (or cider or coffee etc).

Have Real Food

If you did the first timeline exercise, you probably already have this covered, but it’s important.

Have real food.

This might be coordinating a food delivery or setting out a veggie tray, but if you need nourishment beyond chips and salsa, your guests probably do, too. If you’re getting hungry, say something, and work together to make sure everyone gets fed. You don’t need to pay for all the pizza if it’s a financial stretch, but you do owe it to your guests to start the ball rolling.